me and luck..... this is not a love story!

i need to see how i write about this subject without writing on it....its gonna be hard..........maybe i just need to write it just as a draft.....i don't know  - but i think i'm out of luck - especially when it comes to.... maybe its because of the fact that i was raised by a woman - maybe because of the fact that i never really had a male roll model when i was growing up..... maybe its the fact that i'm fact up (more likely - fucked up)....

i don't know, i don't know, i don't know......... and i hate not knowing....

fuck it - i just......

why do we need it - why do we  believe in it - this is just dumb luck......

i thought it would change this connection between us - thought that if time heals all wounds (or old wounds) - this should pass....or change for the better but i just lied to myself and made myself believe that maybe for once it will work out - maybe this time it will happen..... but as in luck - it turns.... just made a fool out of myself for believing a dream - but aren't we all dream..... i just thought.... and thats the main problem - i think i need to stop doing that - thinking!

well..... i think i did it well enough - writing about it - with out writing about it....

and on second thought (i can't help my self - i'm addicted - can't stop) the one who shouldn't read it will never actually read it any way - so safe - and i troubled my self for nothing - yeah i'm good at doing that....

well....goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite :)

couldn't choose which one was better....