rearranging my life, its not easy, i got the blisters to prove that... the pain in the shoulders....the bleeding fingers But now after 2 years i opened all the boxes (yeah well it was mainly books, and 1 box of winter clothing) i can say that doing this feels so good and the fact that i got another half year in this apartment (from half year to another its been going like that for 2 years so...) All i need now is to buy some drawers for all the "pa-tchef-kes" and i'm done - feels good.
In a way all this is the "mess room = mess life" so... i am trying to tidy up my life by 1st cleaning, throwing junk away, rearranging what ever i can, box opening / getting rid off whole boxes without opening them....in short - tidy up my apartment.
All this came to mind in the last 2 days after me and the big boss had a shouting contest - it wasn't nice, and it wasn't about who won or who was right (he was both times - and no I'm not sucking up) the fact is that I'm still pissed and not at him (well...maybe a little) but at how things work or actually don't work at my work place - communication wise.
So the next day i took a day off to think - and i came to a conclusion that i need a few more - i need to think.
I need to think about whats next..... about what i wanna do.... and what is going to happen.... are they gonna lay me of (though after all the big boss did call me the day after the fight and said it was a hectic day yesterday - you can look at it as another way to say we're o.k.) after all he pays the salary and I did shouted on him (though he started will not help in this case) any way i need some time to think - i feel so exhausted.
Don't get me wrong - i actually love the job - most of the time - when i actually get to do it - only that the last 4 month I'm not doing it - not thinking about ideas - not thinking about designs - well mainly not thinking - and i don't think i can keep on doing it - i start sleepwalking through work - and that is when problems occur - sometimes by my fault - not noticing stupid little things - that are really important most of the time - the thing is that even if its my fault or not I'm the one that everybody and i really mean everybody come and shout on.
I'm blubbering here so, sorry but its a way to get the steam out.
So where was I.....everybody scream at my general direction - and I'm sick of it. The thing is - i never get the credit for my ideas and my work - like i don't really exist - or that they actually don't really knows what i do. Again I'll say - don't get me wrong - I do not need the credit when its all good and great - I need not to be the only one to blame when things go wrong (i know its not true - but man it does feel like it when everybody screams at me)
So I'm taking some time off to think - I need a few days to relax my nerves - A few days 2 arrange my thoughts - rearrange back my life.
and here is some old picture that i found on my phone from a few years ago - specially for the next "Israeli Independence Day" that is coming in 2 days
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